


Run, river, run over me (Water take away my memory)

by BehindTheRobinsMask



Series: JayDick Flashfic Prompts [12]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Depression, Dick Grayson Needs a Hug, Heavy Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Past Rape/Non-Con (mentioned), Self-Worth Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, Trauma, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:08:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26606512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BehindTheRobinsMask/pseuds/BehindTheRobinsMask
Summary: “I deserved that,” he said, with a wry smile, a sight that made Jason sick to his stomach because he hated seeing Dick sad, hated the pain that brimmed in his eyes, threatening to break through before he reeled it in and pushed it down, lest someone know he was human. Lest someone know that he could be broken too.
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Dick Grayson/Jason Todd, one-sided Jaydick
Series: JayDick Flashfic Prompts [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1290467
Comments: 15
Kudos: 262
Collections: Jaydick Flash Fanwork Challenge





	Run, river, run over me (Water take away my memory)

**Author's Note:**

> Songs: 
> 
> 1\. Rivers by Allman Brown  
> 2\. La Lune by Billie Marten
> 
> This fic touches on some heavy topics so please _please_ make sure to read the tags first.

_Breaking my back in the heart of this land  
_ _Feet above water and softened in sand  
_ _I could have wanted any part of this_

Jason could taste it on his tongue, the scent of it melting in his mouth and he raised his eyes to the sky. When the day had begun, it was a bright blue holding onto lazy strokes of white but even then, the wind, it was colder than usual, plastering frozen kisses across his skin as he went through his daily routine. It would rain, whether in a few hours of immediately, it would happen, he knew that. And the thought of it made him groan, maybe even roll his eyes but there wasn’t much he could do about it. The rain would make work annoying but it was nothing he couldn’t get through. If push came to shove, if the weather got really bad, he’d just crash at the manor, in one of the cots in the cave because he still couldn't stand in his old room without feeling sick. 

“It looks like it’s going to rain.”

When he heard that statement, he didn’t think much of it. The signs were all around and if Nightwing decided to ignore them as he went about his day, that was more on him than anyone else. Though by the way he stared at the clouds, his eyes transfixed, almost dazed, it seemed like he enjoyed the rain. He probably did stupid shit like dancing around just for the heck of it, loving the cool touch of water against his skin. He also probably dragged other people into his little game, taking it upon himself to teach Damian the glory of puddles and while the demon brat would love every minute of it, he wouldn’t admit it, grumbling all the way. 

“Do you think it’s going to turn into a storm?” Dick asked, completely unbothered by the fact that no one had replied to him. 

But then again, after a drug bust that had gone on for longer than expected, throwing up surprises that none of them appreciated, all anyone wanted was to go home. Barbara had already left a while ago, Cass and Steph tailing after her, leaving the boys by themselves. And if anyone asked Jason, he wasn’t really in much of a mood to talk with Dick, not after what he had done. He was sure Tim felt the same. No matter how dedicated he was to the mission or to Bruce, making his family and his friends believe that he was dead, making them cry for him, grieve for him, spiral into guilt and shame for him, it was all too much. Even though he constantly claimed that he wanted to be nothing like Bruce, sometimes Jason couldn’t see the difference between the two of them, a thought he had expressed loud and clear. A thought he wished he had never put into words because he could almost see the moment when Dick’s heart shattered into pieces. 

Not that he cared. Not that he would apologize for it. Dick was the one who ruined whatever relationship they had. He was the one who burned down their fragile bridge that was already tattered and broken, barely held on by a string. He deserved Jason’s sharp words and anger, though it wouldn’t last forever. As infuriated as he was right now, eventually, Jason would end up forgiving Dick. He always did. 

“Why? Afraid of a little rain, Nightwing?” Damian asked, still the only one who openly spoke to Dick, who loved him despite everything. Not even pretend death could break the bond between the two of them. A bond that Jason almost envied. 

Jason glanced back to see the amused smile that spread across Dick’s face, knowing what he was about to do the moment he raised his hands. Soon he had Damian wrapped in his arms, holding him tightly against his chest as the younger struggled.

“I’m just afraid you’ll fall sick, Rob,” he said dramatically, lips pushing into a little pout. “Whatever will I do if something were to happen to you?”

“Pretend to die again?” Tim offered, his voice so cold that it sent a shiver down Jason’s spine.

Silence fell among the four boys as Tim’s words hung heavily in the air. The statement was uncalled for. It was unnecessary. But after everything that he had been through, after everyone he had lost, friends and family, _Kon,_ who could blame Tim for being angry? Who could blame him for hating the brother who had betrayed his trust? Dick saw this too. He understood this so he covered Damian’s mouth before he could snap and defend his honour.

“I deserved that,” he said, with a wry smile, a sight that made Jason sick to his stomach because he hated seeing Dick sad, hated the pain that brimmed in his eyes, threatening to break through before he reeled it in and pushed it down, lest someone know he was human. Lest someone know that he could be broken too. 

“Yeah,” was all Tim said before he grabbed his grapple gun, disappearing from sight without another word. No goodbyes. No see you tomorrow’s. Just a conversation abruptly ended, reflecting his relationship with Dick. 

Seeing Tim go, Jason got to his feet, looked back at Dick, at the hurt that he tried to hide under a smile. His finger twitched on his side and he almost reached out. He almost engulfed Dick into a hug, a little piece of warmth in the cold winds that surged around them, just the right amount of comfort to let him know he was loved. But then Jason was flying away, denying his heart because he was afraid that if he so much as moved in Dick’s direction, his feelings would brim to the top, overflow without control and the world would know every secret he had hidden for so many years. Dick would know and he could never allow that. 

Some things were best left unsaid. Some feelings were better forgotten. 

But as he settled onto his bike, driving through the streets of Gotham to head back to his safe house, away from Dick, away from the feelings that he had hidden since he was running around in Robin’s green shorts, the clouds above finally broke down. Raindrops pressed against his skin and broke apart, too fragile to face the world, too fragile to survive. Sometimes, that’s how he felt about Dick. Sometimes, when he saw him standing all by himself, the family he had loved now gone, relationships severed with time, he seemed so small against the backdrop of the sky. He seemed like he was falling apart, piece by piece, carried away by the wind so he could never whole again. It was at such moments that Jason feared that one day he would be gone.

_It looks like it’s going to rain._

But he was Dick Grayson. The first Robin and Batman’s son, the one none of them could ever live up to. He was the golden boy standing on a pedestal, perfect, unbroken, a sight ot behold. If there was someone who could survive anything that life threw at them, it was Dick. Even if the rest of the world broke apart, he never would. He never had. 

_Do you think it’s going to turn into a storm?_

Gripping the handles of his bike, Jason grit his teeth as thunder boomed in his ears, the little rain turning into a storm. In a little while, he would be in his safe house, warm and dry, away from Dick, away from the worry that gnawed at him. There was a feeling of dread that had settled in the pit of his stomach, a feeling he usually could ignore so easily. But today, it clawed at him, tearing flesh apart so he could taste the blood in his mouth, a disgusting metallic taste demanding to be noticed. Dick’s face, the gentle tilt of his lips, the pain that lingered in those ocean eyes, everything was haunting. It all wrapped around him, weighing heavily on his back like a ghost he couldn’t see. And even though he knew he had nothing to worry about. Even though he knew that come tomorrow, everything would be alright, he turned his bike around.

Instead of going back to his safe house like he should have, he headed towards Bludhaven to prove himself wrong. 

***

_But I find the heat is too harsh on the skin  
_ _Drowning in light need the cold to sink into my soul  
_ _My soul_

Dick was used to being hated by the people who once loved him. 

Gently, he planted the seeds after digging into the ground with his bare hands, ignoring his torn skin and bleeding wounds because nothing in life was easy, because no one could bare their heart without risking something. But once the seed was in, once there was even an inkling of hope, he watered it every day, nurturing it with love and care, watching in fascination as the tiniest stem broke through. It was always nice to see that his hard work had paid off, that all those nights spent wide-awake so there would be no loneliness, all those moments shared, they all amounted to something. And one day, the relationship would bloom into the most beautiful flower he’d ever seen, delicate yet strong in its own way, the result of his dedication that he would protect with his life. Or so, he assumed each time. But nothing lived forever and every flower had to die. Every relationship in his life had to burn down in front of his eyes, sometimes because of things he couldn’t control, sometimes because of his own actions. That was his curse. That was his gift. 

In the end, no matter how hard he tried, he’d find himself alone in the rain, staring up at the dark clouds as each ripple of lightning reminded him of things he’d rather forget. 

It was always when it was raining that he found himself spiralling. It was always when it was raining that every ugly memory, every mistake reared it’s head and called out his name, words whispered in a haunting voice, sirens calling him to the sea. He could never escape. He could never turn away. All he could do was follow their call and give in as they pushed his head underwater, as they forced his nails to travel across his skin, rip open flesh to remind him that he was still breathing even though he shouldn’t be. 

It was always on days like this that he found himself standing on the ledge of a roof, staring down at the ever-busy streets, ones that were now darkening because of the water that pooled across it, the people who ran to seek shelter and the cars that passed by without a care in the world. He stood there and shivered as each beat of his heart sent spasms of pain through his entire being. He stood there and wept because this was the only moment when he could feel. Come tomorrow, he’d stand in front of the mirror and push the corners of his lips into a smile, practising each day to make sure that no one could see through his guise. Practising each day because after everything that he had been through, a part of him had died and it was the part that knew how to be happy. He pretended so that no one would ever know that he was just a shell of the person he used to be, hiding the carcass of a soul inside his body. He pretended because this is exactly what someone like him deserved. 

_Pretend to die again?_

Dick knew that Tim had every right to be angry at him, every right to hate the sight of his face but hearing those words from him, hearing the bitterness in his voice, it stung. _Oh god, it stung so much._ Because now, wherever he went, he was reminded of everything he had lost, everything he couldn’t get back even if he tried because the people he loved could never love him back. Because the people he loved could never trust him again. So, instead, he’d have to make do with memories that only ever burned him down. Lunch dates with Barbara. Movie night with Tim. Rooftop tag with Steph and Cass. Dinners with Bruce. Thursday night beers with Jason. Weekend hangouts with Wally and Roy. Spontaneous trips with Kori. Now it all meant nothing. Now he meant nothing to anyone. 

He still had Damian though, his Robin, his partner, the son he could never call his own. This was the one relationship that had blossomed so unexpectedly, taking him by surprise because he could never imagine loving Damian the way he did. But the younger had grown on him, a flower blooming through cement and then, he died. He died and so did Dick, a part of his soul heading down to wherever his Robin was but never returning with him. Right now, Damian was still a child who didn’t know any better. He was a child that couldn’t see how wrong Dick was for him. One day he would grow up. One day the rose-tinted glasses he viewed their relationship with would come off. And then he too would be gone, his little fingers slipping out of Dick’s hand. 

_You’re poison, Dick Grayson._

Everyone saw that eventually. Damian would too.

And it would be nothing less than what he deserved. 

Because he knew this, because he understood it so well, one step, two, Dick found it easy to let himself fall, the wind whipping around him, his heart hammering in his chest. Down he went, arms stretched, adrenaline pumping through his veins. Down he went, eyes fluttering his shut, feeling the brush of fingers against his own because he was no longer falling on his own, his parents right beside him, content and at peace, calling him home. Down he went, wishing that when they left, he had left with them. And it would be too easy to rectify the mistake, to let the fall complete its course. 

But Dick was a coward so he saved himself before he could get hurt. He was a coward so he held onto his family even though all he could ever do was poison them slowly. 

***

_Ignore signs of change, no more  
_ _I come back again, I am flawed_

Jason remembered how he would always stand in front of Dick Grayson’s robin uniform, the one that Bruce always kept in a case, the one he wouldn’t let anyone touch because even if he didn’t admit it, he missed the Dick so very much. Jason stood there and stared because he knew that even if he tried, he could never compare to his predecessor. The relationship that he shared with Bruce could never be replicated, their trust, their bond something Jason could only hope to reach. He’d always be secondary to Dick. It was a fact that he had accepted. 

Then he met the prodigy, the wonder boy that he had envied so much and he had stared because he couldn’t help it. He stared in awe of Dick Grayson’s existence, ready to believe that he could walk on water. Ready to believe that he could unfurl wings and fly away, an angel in disguise. Oh, how easier it would have been if Jason never got to know Dick, never got to see his smile and hear his voice, the sound of it when he called his name, _Jason, Jay, Little wing._ He would have never known the kind of heart Dick had. He would have never seen how human he was beneath those carefree smiles. If he had never known, he would have never loved. 

But even though Jason knew that despite everything, Dick was still human, he pretended he didn’t. And because he pretended he didn’t know, when he saw Nightwing standing on the rooftop, gazing at his city, he didn’t think much of it. Because he pretended he didn’t know, when he saw Nightwing take the leap, he didn’t think much of it. But then, the ground, it grew closer and closer. Dick didn’t take out his grapple. And then, the ground, it seemed to call his name, a sickening lullaby that made his heart leap into his mouth, that feeling of dread hissing and howling because he hadn’t listened before. Then, Dick was flying, just the way he always did, a graceful figure, practised moves. It was like nothing was wrong. It was like there was no reason to be afraid. And while Jason should have been relieved, he should have let go of the breath he was holding in, he couldn’t. Because now he had seen it with his own two eyes, forced to believe everything he had been ignoring. 

Something inside Dick was broken and he was to blame. 

  
  


***

_Swallow me whole with the moon on my back  
_ _One side is pink and the other is black  
_ _I'm good at hiding in the dead and grey_

Sometimes when Dick switched off the lights in his house, he felt like he wasn’t alone. His apartment where he lived by himself, his apartment where no one came to see him anymore, it seemed so full of people, of memories, of words that wrapped around his throat and squeezed until he was gasping for air, until he was on his knees and trying to crawl away. The people in his apartment, they’d tell him things, so many things, they’d call him names, so many names _mi amor, slut, poison,_ branding them into his skin so the world would know, branding them into his soul so that he’d never dare to forget what he was. Those who didn’t know him saw a shiny new toy but once they got close enough, even they’d see how dirty he was, sinking in black. 

Sometimes when Dick switched off the lights in his house, the clock, it seemed to echo, _tick, tick, tick,_ counting down the seconds, _tick, tick, tick,_ counting down every breath he took. All he had to do was blink and there he would be, strapped down to the table, bruised and bleeding, a countdown booming in his head. All he had to do was blink and he would be dying all over again, alone, abandoned, heart racing in his chest, leaping into his mouth and trying to crawl away, trying to avoid the inevitable. He was dying. _He was dying_ and if he were a braver man, he’d take in a deep breath and accept his fate. He’d be everything Bruce taught him to be, cold, unfeeling. Because if Bruce had been in his place, he’d reach out to death before she reached out for him. 

And wouldn’t it have been better if he had died? Wouldn’t it have been better if the last memory that everyone had of him was one of love? But now, he was the betrayer, the liar. Now, he was truly Bruce’s son, following down in his footsteps. The only difference between them was that Dick felt too much, he loved too much. The only difference between them was that he needed a helping hand, a warm touch or the smallest smile to keep him going. 

Now, here he was, awake as the sun rose into the sky, storm clouds held together with muted halos, the rain raging on. _One. Two. Three. Four._ Thunder boomed over and over again, across the city, in his house, like a shutter displaying fragmented memories. _Kori. Mirage. Barbara. Catalina._ Over and over again, they whispered in his ears. 

“I deserve this,” Over and over again, Dick whispered these words to himself. It hurt. It killed him a little. But come tomorrow, he’d be alright, letting out his demons in the night so they didn’t bother him in the day. 

Every night he slept with ghosts so tomorrow he could breathe. 

But today, his ghosts, they seemed so strange. In between taunts and accusations, _if you loved her, you’d see the difference_ seduction and rejection, they’d call out his name so lovingly. They’d call out his name almost as if they were afraid for him. _Dick. Dickie. Grayson._ How strange. How cruel to make him believe that his cries were heard. How cruel to make him believe that someone actually cared. 

“How cruel,” Dick whispered as the shadows pulled away from his feet, revealing hardwood floors underneath. “How cruel,” he whimpered because once again he was awake, back in his suit, back in a world where he no longer belonged. 

“---Grayson! Snap out of it!” 

It was an angry roar, almost desperate, almost scared but it was enough to make Dick blink his eyes, enough to make him see the people standing in his apartment, more than ghosts, more than memories, real and breathing, alive and staring, all eyes on him, all eyes pitying him. Or was this simply another trick? A new addition to his never-ending collection of fear? 

“Dick, can you hear me?” Tim asked as he stepped forward. Too caring. Too loving. Unreal. 

“I get it, Timmy,” Dick whispered with a smile as the younger’s eyes widened with shock. “I deserve your hate. I know I do.”

“Dick?”

“I’m poison, Tim.”

Someone gasped. Someone held him. It was so strange, so different from usual because he was so used to pain, the hate, the tears that constantly streamed down his face because even though he knew this was the price for his sins, he couldn’t stop the hurt. Maybe his mind was changing things up, keeping him on his toes so he never got used to being punished. He closed his eyes as strong arms held him up. He closed his eyes because this was all too much to bear and everything was warm, so very warm that he could finally rest, even if it meant he woke up on the cold, hard floor. 

***

_But time after time I've been people I'm not  
_ _Places we go to, are all that we've got  
_ _So why don't we go? So why don't we go?  
_ _I'll never know_

  
_“I saw him fall.”_

Those were the only words Jason needed to say to make everyone believe that maybe, just maybe, Dick needed them more than he let on. He was human so he couldn’t be perfect like they expected him to be. He was human so he faltered and fell, lost his way and sometimes needed help. He had made mistakes in the past, so many of them and there was no denying that but hadn’t they done the same. Had they not hurt him beyond repair? Had they not broken his heart? So if he could forgive them, why could they not do the same for him? 

Now sitting beside Dick, Jason reached out and brushed his knuckles against his skin, so cold under his touch that it almost scared him. It almost made him worry that those blue eyes he loved so much would never open again. Jason was no stranger to pain, no stranger to trauma. After everything he had been through, after everything he had seen, who could understand it better than him? Yet, he refused to listen to his own gut, refused to accept that something was wrong because he needed to protect himself, protect his heart, the only fragile piece of him. Dick needed him and he didn’t notice. Dick needed him and he let him fall. 

And now he felt like a stranger, someone he didn’t know, someone who scared him to his very core. 

“You must not blame yourself for this, Master Jason,” Alfred said, stepping into the room as he carried in a set of blankets. Even if he wouldn’t admit it, he seemed to have the same fear as Jason. “You boys, all of you, learned many things from your father and unfortunately, the need to hide your pain is one of them.”

“How did none of us notice, Alf?” Jason asked, feeling so weak. It hurt him to see Dick like this.

Alfred’s movements stilled, fingers clenching around the blanket that he was about to cover Dick with. “I do not know,” he finally answered, just as lost as everyone else. If there was one person who knew everything about everyone, it was Alfred but even he hadn’t seen this coming. The sadness, the shame, it was all so obvious on his face as he patted Dick’s head. “But we will do better. I know we will. Master Dick will be fine.”

“What if he isn’t?” and there it was, Jason’s pessimism rearing its ugly head. Usually, it was reserved just for himself. 

As he waited for words of encouragement, a piece of Alfred’s wisdom that he was always so ready to share, there was nothing that could fill the silence. Squeezing Jason’s shoulder, the old man nodded and then went his way. That in itself was terrifying. 

Not knowing what else to do, Jason sat by Dick, holding onto his hand as tightly as he could, afraid to let go. 

  
  


***

_Ignore signs of change, no more  
_ _I come back again, I am flawed_

  
  


When Dick woke up, he expected to find himself in his bed, in his apartment, away from Gotham, away from his family. But as his eyes fluttered open, the first thing to come to sight was a monitor recording his steady heartbeat, a drip attached to his left hand and Jason attached to the right, head buried in the mattress as he snored softly. _Strange._ He couldn’t remember how he got to the cave, couldn’t remember what happened after he fell, his body and mind acting as two separate entities. 

“Jason,” Dick whispered, gently squeezing the hand that held onto his own. “Little Wing.” He nudged and Jason frowned, a groan rumbling in his throat. 

The sight almost made Dick smile, all on his own, without any help, without any practice, something he hadn’t done in such a long time. 

Another nudge and Jason was waking up, confusion flickering in his eyes before realization set in. 

“Dick!” he practically shouted before calming down and shaking his head before he could try again. “Dick, hey, how are you feeling?”

Tilting his head with confusion, Dick smiled, “I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be? Did I get knocked out during the mission or something?”

Pressing his lips together, both of Jason’s hands held onto Dick’s, brows furrowing as he seemed to search for the right words to say. As he took his time to answer, took his time to explain things, Dick wondered if he’d done something wrong again. He wondered if he’d given his family more reasons to hate him. If he had, he wouldn’t be surprised. If he had, was there even a way to fix things anymore.

“Dick, why didn’t you tell us?” Jason suddenly asked as he shifted to Dick’s bed from the chair he was sitting in. “Why didn’t you talk to us?”

“I’m not following,” Dick said, trying to play the part of the fool as his mind raced with panic. What had he said? What did they know? About Catalina? About Mirage? _What did they know?_

“I came by to Bludhaven last night, Dick. I saw you falling. I saw you,” Jason explained and Dick felt his heart sink because he didn’t want anyone to see him like that. If they did, how was he to explain that he wasn’t actively trying to hurt himself? This was just the only way he knew how to cope, the only way he knew how to push through the dark to see another day. 

“Oh, Jay!” He chuckled, going over the lines he had practised. “You misunderstood. I don’t know if you guys noticed but I’m a bit of an adrenaline junkie--”

“Stop it!” Jason snapped. “Stop lying to me, Dick. This might work on the brat, maybe Tim or Bruce but not on me. I know that look in your eyes because I’ve been where you are now so please, don’t lie to me. If you don’t want to talk to me, that’s fine. I understand that.”

“I’m not lying,” Dick tried to argue because he didn’t want to let go. He didn’t want anyone to see what he had become. Hadn’t he already pushed them away enough?

“Dick,” Jason whispered, leaning in close. “I know how it gets, okay? The voices, the whispers, the constant reminder of things that you’ve done and ones you never had any control over. On days when it's bad, sometimes those voices have faces of people you’d rather never see again. But you have to anyway.”

Dick took in a deep breath as Jason spoke, then another and one more. _One. Two. Three._ This dream would end and he’d be back in his apartment all alone. This dream would end and he would, for a second, contemplate reaching out but then let the idea go. This was a dream. _It had to be a dream._ Otherwise, he would fall apart, shatter like glass without anyone to put him back together. 

“Please stop,” he whispered, his breaking and shaking, just like his fingers, just like his body.   
  


“And then some times, these voices, they touch you, run their fingers through your hair as if they’re really there, in the room, in your house, so deeply rooted inside your head that you can’t escape,” Jason went on and Dick trembled, tears threatening to escape, pushing past the dam and slipping away. “For a while, I thought I could do it on my own. But I couldn’t. I needed help. I needed someone and do you think there’s something wrong with that?”

“No!” Dick quickly exclaimed without even thinking. “No. You’re human and sometimes you need help. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

It was then that Jason smiled, reaching out to brush Dick’s hair out of his face, “Then, doesn’t the same apply to you?”

Dick sucked in a breath and batted his eyes, batted away the tears because he wouldn’t cry. He couldn’t cry. He didn’t deserve to cry. 

“Please don’t do this to me,” he begged because he could feel it in his chest, an inkling of hope awakening, already knitting dreams for a better tomorrow even if it wasn’t possible. “Please just let me be.”

“I can’t do that. Because I love you so very much, Dick,” Jason whispered, pulling Dick into his arms. “I love you and so does everyone in this house.”

“They don’t,” Dick argued but Jason just smiled against his skin. 

“They do. Last night, when they found out you needed them, they came running because they love you.”

_Grayson! Snap out of it!_

_Dick, can you hear me?_

Dick felt his heart stop in his chest as he realized that his brothers were really there. Not a dream. Not a hallucination. Real and breathing. 

“They love you,” Jason repeated. “I love you.”

“You shouldn’t,” Dick broke down into tears. “You shouldn’t. I don’t deserve it.”

“Yes you do,” Jason pressed a kiss against Dick’s temple, the sensation of it almost reviving his heart. “You do. Even if you can’t see it now. You deserve all our love.”

Dick was prepared for it all, heartbreak, rejection, disgust, a complete and total shut out. Deep down, he knew it was bound to happen someday, the final push, the last straw, an inevitable end to the story that had been written for him. Tragic yet satisfying. What he wasn’t prepared for was a second chance, a new beginning and unconditional acceptance. How could anyone see how broken he was and see someone worth loving? He couldn’t understand it.

What a mess. What a heartbreakingly beautiful mess.

“I’m scared, Jay. That you’ll know me. That you’ll see me and realize I’m not worth loving,” Dick said, looking up at Jason, meeting his eyes for the first time since waking up. 

“That’s where you’re wrong, Dickie. I do know you. I do understand you which is why I can say, with my whole heart, that you will always be worthy of my love,” Jason said, his words never faltering, eyes never giving him away if he was lying. 

And Dick didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to say to escape the trap that was clearly being set up for him. There had to be something more, something darker because he was flawed in every way, the ugly duckling that never grew into a swan and in a house of bats, unfamiliar, without a place to call his own. He didn’t know what to do so he cried, every tear that he held back, every heartbreak that he ignored all pouring out in one go as he struggled for air, curled into himself like a child and just wailed, not caring about who could hear him. 

Jason should have left. Any sane person would at that moment but he didn’t. Instead, he lay beside Dick and held him close, let him cry his heart out without forcing him to stop. 

He lay beside him and gave him hope, like a gift that could never be returned, a blessing for a prayer that went unanswered for so long. It fluttered in his heart like a songbird whistling its tune, a song to pull his boat through the storm. It filled him to the brim with love. It filled him to the brim with fear and as the two emotions battled it out, raging for control, Dick clung onto Jason, an unexpected anchor. 

The fight wouldn’t end, not so easily, not until he was beaten to the ground, his sanity ripped away and healed so the process could repeat. It could continue on for months, a year or maybe until the day he died and as Jason buried his face in Dick’s hair, strong arms keeping him together, he could close his eyes, give in to the feeling of being safe and sleep for a while. 

Sleep until the rain stopped and the sky cleared, the next storm a little easier to brave.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what to say about this fic in all honesty. It was just something I wanted to do and kind of just wrote itself once I started. Since it does touch on some heavy topics, I tried to deal with them as carefully as possible. I hope that shows. That is all.
> 
> P.S. - I tried to make the tags as thorough as possible but if you think I missed out on something, please do let me know and I'll immediately add it. Thank you!


End file.
